I find it a bit ironic how the one constant in life is change. Why do so many of us resist change while at the same time we’re tired of things being the same. I guess everyone is different and some welcome continuous change with open arms while others dread it. I live in the tension of wanting things to change while at the same time resisting change. I think for me it’s an issue with control. I want to control what changes and how it changes. I’ve learned all too well, I have very little control over circumstances. I can only control my actions and my decisions, and I often don’t do those very well. I can’t control the reactions of others or situation outcomes. The way my life has turned out so far as I reflect over things in my late forties is different than I expected it to be. Thinking about it comes with its own challenges and disappointments that I am learning to work through. I did not expect in my middle age to be divorced, still single, and working through the emotional and mental effects the decisions in my teens and twenties are still having on me. I suspect all these things are coming up now because my kids are now young adults no longer needing me as much, the busyness of mom life is no longer available to distract me. I have more time to focus on myself and reflect on things, something I thought I wanted and now it has proven to be harder than I thought it would. I have been on a slow healing journey through reflection and therapy dealing with things I have long avoided. While overall it is a good process it also brings up all the bad that has been buried deep. In this season of transition and change I am learning to embrace life as it is and focus on the good while working through the bad. Are you in a season of change or healing? Do you find yourself back and forth from struggling to thriving? Be encouraged, you are in process and it’s okay to struggle along the way, no one lives out this life perfectly. Things that have been helping me through the process are:
- Seeking and placing God first. I do this by praying daily and reading scripture daily. When I pray, I take the focus off myself and make an effort to not only rattle off a list of things I want but try to thank Him for all He has already done in my life. When I read His word, it renews my mind, helping me not be weighed down with all the cares of life. I will say I am still a work in progress because I still struggle with anxiety and worry. The difference is now I don’t sit with it for hours or days instead I quickly turn it over to God and do it several times a day if I must.
- Being Still. Seeking God first is not all about you talking to Him it’s also about being still enough to hear His answers and guidance. As someone who is easily distracted, has a hard time focusing, and constantly thinking about making lists in my mind of all I need to do. I am still in progress. My kids can tell you I have a hard time paying attention. I don’t mean to be that way, but my thoughts are always going, making it hard to focus. Try to have quiet alone time with God, sit in the silence, and allow God to speak into your life.
- Build Community. Reach out to trusted friends and share what you have going on in your life. Those that love you want to be there for you. I have spent years holding so many things inside out of fear or shame and it has caused a breeding ground for isolation and loneliness. Another way to build community is to seek counsel. By holding things inside for so long it has built up issues with anxiety, depression, and shame. Depending on the level of emotional and mental stress you may need to seek a professional’s help to process through it all and there is no shame in that.
As I navigate through the changing road ahead, I am learning to embrace the process. I don’t know what is coming for me in the future but I’m learning to trust it can be better than I ever expected because my past doesn’t determine my future.