The constant mental stimulation
So many distractions to numb the pain
Avoiding what needs to be addressed
Numbing the anxiety
Am I reverting to previous patterns because it’s familiar and all I know?
How do I break the habits that are breaking me?
How do I move forward without losing my identity?
I want to change but my defaults remain the same
My mind and emotions try to fool me but my heart and body remembers the trauma and knows the truth
How can I heal from what I avoid?
I repressed it so long I have to dig to find it
This over stimulated, distracted, fast paced life leaves me with no patience or perseverance to face what I need to face and stay consistent to do the work required to heal
I am powerless to do this alone
My efforts and work alone fall short
God it’s your grace and love I need to go the extra mile
Renew my mind, clear the thoughts that have me bound
Create in me a clean heart, filled with love
Heal my heart and body from all the misuse and pain
Release all the traumas hiding deep inside
God I’ll follow your lead on this healing journey
I’ll face the fear as long as you stay with me
I’ll let down my guard as long as I’m surrounded by your grace
Meet me here where my thoughts scream over the silence and tears flow like a waterfall in the dark moments alone
Prepare for the next chapter without erasing the past
I no longer have to run and hide from the mistakes that made me and the reminder of all you saved me from
I was lost but now I’m found yet through it all I was still me
My efforts and works didn’t save me it was all your grace and sacrifice, a gift I could never earn
I still wrestle and make mistakes, it sometimes feels like I will never learn.
Yet still you don’t leave me
I’m never alone despite what it looks like and how I feel
I’m ready God, ready to heal